The Long Tail of Malawi

It has felt like the end of our time in Malawi for at least two weeks now. Originally we thought we’d be through in less than a month. And somehow we’re closing in on seven weeks. But there is still more to see and do as we wind our way down to the southernmost tip of the country.

On our cycle into Blantyre we are shown the real meaning of congestion. The main road is choked with cars, busses and trucks. What little space remains is filled with people, goats, dogs and the occasional cow. The right of way belongs to the one with the biggest ego. Hence our advance is slower than the old limping goat. But we are in a good mood despite the chaos because our favorite Malawian anthem is blaring from every speaker.

Eventually the traffic jam just peters out and we breathe a sigh of relief. We have a hunch that this is what a typical cycle in a West African city looks like and we’re glad that we’re on the other side of the continent. In Blantyre we take a day off to rest our sore thighs and to stock up on tasty treats as the next big town is more than 400km away.

Communicating in East Africa always involves some sort of internal translation. In Malawi it doesn’t matter what the question is. The answer is always “yes”. Can we order dinner for 6:30? Yes (translation: dinner will be ready when it’s ready). Does the hot water work? Yes (of course not). How do you say “good afternoon” in Chichewa? Yes (I didn’t understand the question).

The only exception seems to be when you try and modify something on the menu. Adding a fried egg to a veggie burger is virtually impossible no matter the willingness to pay. If it’s not on the menu it can’t be done even though all the ingredients are in stock. Lina often struggles to hide her incredulity at such blatant disregard for economic principles.

South of Blantyre one could almost think we’re in Brandenburg (Germany). The landscape is flat with lots of fields and there is headwind of course. But every now and then we pass a bicycle laden with bags of charcoal or a goat ready for sale/slaughter and we know we are not in Europe. A closer look at the fields reveals that this is the sugar cane center of Malawi.

We’re not quite sure why, but these large sugar cane corporations seem to own conservancies where you can camp for quite a reasonable price. At the first we have some convincing to do before we can take the bikes into the park. Once inside we stare with open mouths at impala, nyala, waterbuck and even giraffes, quite the bargain at 3.50€ for both of us.

At the second conservancy we are given the high-end experience. We are escorted to the gates of the lodge and the guard salutes Ben on our way in. Upon arrival all the staff line up to introduce themselves and shake our grubby hands. We sip our cold cokes next to the pool with a view of the watering hole and all the animals that frequent it. We meet Norma and Jeremy from the UK and they introduce us to birding (or twitching as it’s called by the in crowd).

On our punt boat ride early the next day we can finally name some birds thanks to Norma and our guide Robert. Instead of pointing out the black bird, the fancy chicken or the colorful bird we can now proudly call them the openbill, the common moorhen and the malakite kingfisher. Every now and then we also get a glimpse of the elusive British mzungu and the Malawian fisherman.

A couple of days later and with some trepidation we finally approach the border to Mozambique. From here on there is a lot less information about road conditions or accommodation options on our various apps. We might be pushed out of our comfort zone by having to actually ask locals for permission to pump their water or camp on their land. We’re also not quite sure if we’ll be able to get our visa at this remote border post.

We have grown fat (at least metaphorically) and complacent in Malawi. Traveling here has been very easy and fun. So now it’s time to reluctantly dip our toes into some adventure. Enough dilly dallying! Olá Moçambique!

PSA: Having accumulated almost 100 subscribers (😱) to the blog we can now call ourselves travel influencers. We therefore solemnly (and prematurely) award the title of “Favorite Country in East Africa” to Malawi and hope this will persuade some of our devoted fanbase to come on holiday here. The lovely locals could really use the extra cash.